turn a new leaf; desire to reform; desire to change
Shit's been insane lately and this card makes me feel a little hopeful. My job has been giving me so much whiplash, I am very low with the ammount of fucks I have to give at this point. I've decided that if I have to go back and if they're not going to prepare us or keep us safe that I'm going to give the absolute minimum. I can't take this shit. I feel like I'm an animal being backed into a corner and I've gotten so used to the corner that it's become my home. But god help any fucking hand that reaches over to me now.
I'm sick of being told that I just need to experience my feelings and move past shit. It's outrageous and I do not feel like me or my co-workers are being heard. I did not imagine in a thousand years that I'd be expected to do the shit I'm doing now in this pandemic. I can't stand it. And I want to be there for those I work with. I want to be the best that I can be, especially starting out in this career. But I'm limited by the pandemic, by the government, and by those who hold the puppet strings over my profession.
Though, this reading makes me feel a little hopeful. That things will change. Tuesdays have become a dreaded day for me because of constant emergency meetings that change everything last minute. I have the third meeting in a row scheduled next week. And I have a feeling they're just going to tell us more last minute bull shit. But at the same time I'm hopeful I'll get accomidations. I looked today and saw some data was entered for me for a specific placement. But I've not been told anything so I'm staying cautious. But I am hoping that my desire for change and the universes acknowledgement of it will present me with an ounce of hope for my future. For my life and the life of my partner. I never thought I'd have to write a will at my age, but you can never be too prepared.
